Buddha & enlightenment of a pre-schooler

Our neighbor, Shari, recently put the most elegant looking small statue of a Buddha in her flower garden under a tree. He sits calmly, peacefully, and in perfect contentment on a flat stone that almost makes him appear as if he is floating. When Eric and I were out front he spotted the Buddha immediately. His first comment was "He is in Time Out". I thought about this for a second and said that actually he is time out, not the kind of time out Eric has experienced but a time out from everything except this moment. Buddha is enlightened to his connection to it all. Eric was profoundly correct and didn't even know it. Buddha was detached and connected at the same time.

Kids are always enlightening, forcing us into the present every day, so aware of there surroundings, and so open to the possibilities. Since the first day Eric open his eyes and looked at me (27 weeks)I had this profound feeling that we were about to learn a great deal from each other. Boy was I right. He has looked at me many times with that same look, as if he knows more than I do. In many ways he does. Children have so much to teach us.

Time out was his first reaction to Buddha. Day 2's reaction was "he's crying". Apparently Buddha sent out this emotion that Eric saw as tears. Again, Eric wise beyond his years didn't realize what he just said. Tears are often a release, letting emotions free. I have experienced this release. In yoga when you physically release a tight area in your body that was holding your tension, your anxiety you may find yourself blubbering freely on your mat. My pre-schooler never holds on to his tension. He lets it out regularly, sometimes in public, acting out in ways you sometimes wish were acceptable as an adult (ie throwing your toy across the room because it isn't working - hello!!! computers)

I just got some really good advice from another mom. When you feel the chaos of all the thinking and all the doing (and all the whining) give yourself a time out. Even announce it - and watch you child's perplexed look - and step away until you are able to bring back the perspective and could care less that while you were "away" your child dumped out every toy he owns into the middle of the living room floor. You are now ready to just sit down and play having detached from mess. Good Buddha moment for sure.

Holiday Fun (101 photos), by Tara DelloIacono

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Counting days

The anticipation brought on by the advent calendar drove Eric into a frenzy until about the 15th of December when he finally realized we would not be opening more than one window each day. It took a great deal of self (and sometimes physical) restraint on his part to comply with the rules of the advent.

Each morning we would start the day with "what-iz open today?" spoken in Eric's most melodically charming and convincing tone. Even after we opened the window he would hit you with this question several more times just in case you would slip up, forget what day it was, and let him open and retrieve another chocolate from the window.

This December Eric wasn't the only one counting dates. December 10th (3 years ago) is the anniversary of Eric's homecoming from his 96 day stay in the NICU. To add to this attention to dates, Eric's original due date was December 12th (the same as my mother's with me). Aaron refers to Eric being born twice, first on his birthday and then again the day we brought him home. The emotion we experienced is still very tangible but, seems so distant when we are playing with our mild-mannered, tantrum throwing, charming three year old.


December 7th also marked the day I was 26 weeks along with this second pregnancy, quite a milestone since as you know Eric was born at 26 weeks and 2 days. It is pretty cool to be over that hump and well into the third trimester. So far Eric's money is on a baby sister. Although one day he decided maybe it was a brother. Either way he has suggested two names for "his" baby: Doggie or Baby Eric.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

Thankful and then some

Thanksgiving with Oma,Opa, Cousins Sam, Maylen and Addison!


It has been a while since Momma has blogged at you and what better time to get the groove back than a holiday weekend. Happy Thanksgiving!

I am exhaustively thankful for Eric and for the new brother or sister on the way. Anyone reading this who has been pregnant while chasing their pre-schooler around knows what I mean when I say exhaustive. Everyday there is something new to adapt to for example, I can no longer pick Eric up, which means I can no longer pick Eric up and carry him to speed things a long.

Everything we do together is in pre-schooler time and pre-schooler fashion which is generally doddlingly getting to whatever we're getting to. I am grateful for our leisurely fall walks down the street through piles of leaves, picking up sticks, jumping in puddles, and investigating other peoples side walks. It forces me to clear my mind of all the responsibilities and be present right where I am at, with Eric.
Sometimes we will even just pop a seat on the sidewalk and take a break.

Then there are the times like taking a bath, brushing teeth, changing the diaper, washing hands, or going to bed where Eric takes full advantage of me not being able to pick him and plop him where he is to go. This has resulted in me, on occasion dragging him to where he needs to be. Interesting yes, always effective no.

Doing things in pre-schooler time can test my patience, BUT I must say I am grateful for this time (as exhausting as it is). Not only does it force me get more disciplined and patient, but it has also allowed for Eric and Momma moments I wouldn't trade for the world.


Out of these moments has blossomed a budding photographer. One of Eric's and my favorite games is to give Eric the camera and let him snap away and then we upload them and look at the on the computer. This keeps his attention for a while and always me to sit down and watch him take photos. I have noticed a marked improvement in his photo quality and composition since we starting playing this game in my first trimester. On Thanksgiving Day I let him go with the camera and he captured photos of the whole family.


Eric documented a wonderful holiday that we thankfully got to spend together with Oma & Opa, Uncle Mike & Aunt Susie, cousins Sam, Maylen and the newest addition - Addison (one month old). It was especially a special holdiday because it was the first celebrated together at the Montoya's new house (with a fantastic circular floor plan for running laps) and Opa was finally back in NorCal! Here are some more of Eric's photos and a few of taken by others while celebrating:

Giants Game

Last weekend I took Eric to his first Giants game. So that he was properly indoctrinated as a true Giants fan, we went to see them play the Dodgers during a pennant chase and we sat in the left field bleachers. I thought it might be overwhelming for a 3 year old but he loved it. It was kids' backpack night so he got a free Giants backpack which was wayyy to big for him. To get in the right mood, Eric first hit the Coke bottle side for about 20 trips. Loved it.

Once the game started he fit right in with our group (Keith, Joe, BJ, etc.). He chanted "Beat LA" and pumped his fist with the crowd. The most classic moment in my mind was around the 3rd inning. I had given Eric one of those milk boxes to drink and at some point he dropped it and then stepped on it. The milk shot out like a cannon. When you look down any given row in the bleachers, you will see that the ground is wet from spilled beers. In our row it was pure white with spilled milk and covered with the kettle corn that didn't make it to Eric's mouth. He seemed (I hope) not to notice all the people screaming out F-bombs at Dodger fans and at one point a fight erupted about 10 feet from us. Hey it's just part of a Giants/Dodgers game right? Fan for life.

Human Spirit

One of the most amazing things about us people is our resiliency, our ability to heal, and to come back better and stronger.

I have seen the human spirit heal itself over and over and it never ceases to amaze me what strength and courage we all have within us.

We have been gifted the ability to "bounce back" from anything if we choose to. I look to a few friends of mine who have been to the depths of the bottom and eventually return to themselves. My "step-sister" Susan honors her young husband's life, Dan Fritz, after cancer took him from her too young. She carries on each day with courage, grace, and beauty and is an inspiration.


My friend Bobby whose wife was struck with a sudden and life threatening condition that kept him by her bedside day and night until she had a miraculous recovery that brought her home. They moved on from that trauma to have a beautiful baby girl leaving those terrifying moments far behind them.

I watched a co-worker of mine struggle through the loss of his young brother to a major car accident. He too inspired me with his ability to come back from such a loss and go on living his life. He is quoted as saying, "Now I too have a story."

I guess my point is everyone has a story and many more than one. We can not anticipate the joys or struggles life will throw our way but we are inner-wired to handle things as the come. This is where we can find the comfort to live our lives to the fullest each day.

Of course, my story is Eric. My recovery from total take-down and weakness took only time and now I am strong enough to enjoy the brilliant opportunity to bring more life into this world with a sibling for Eric who will grace us with their presence in March. If not, well, we can handle it.

Ok! Everyone with me now! One cheer for FULL TERM!

We are thrilled to be pregnant and are enjoying the experience to the fullest

Happy 3rd Birthday Eric

Eric had a great third birthday! He was so overwhelmed with the response to his birthday he had a very difficult time settling down, for the next two days in fact.


Eric has also graduated with flying colors from the NICU follow-up clinic as they see no need to continue following him because he as doing everything every boy his age is doing (which includes power struggles and tantrums which we happily accept as TOTALLY normal!)

Three years ago today

Three years ago today I went into labor on Labor Day, September 5,2006; at twenty six weeks pregnant with Eric. I had never been so scared and so needy as I was in those moments. Once we figured out what was going on we headed to the emergency room a mile up the street and our journey began.

Aaron found a place to park and says to me, "well this is a good fire drill for the real thing." Me all the while thinking this is more than a fire drill. We arrive in the emergency room. We were greeted with a kind urgency. The nurse confirms my fears. I am having pre term labor contractions. Dr. Lau does an exam, takes a step back and a deep breath before telling us that from this moment forward your pregnancy is going to be different than we may have imagined. I remember his compassionate yet serious delivery of this information. I was centimeter dilated and contractions coming on strong. They admitted me to the hospital and brought in a roll-away bed for Aaron. They immediately shot me with tributalene which made me even more jittery on top of my nerves. Then the hooked me up to an IV drip of magnesium all to try and stop the contractions. It was late now, around 10pm. Aaron asked if he should stay and I told him I had never needed him more than now. They hooked me and Eric up to a heart rate monitor so they could monitor our status. They also tracked my contractions and asked me to hit a button I held in my hand every time I had one. They gave me steroids to increase the development of Eric's lungs and told me to "stay pregnant" for 48 hours at least so the drugs had time to work.

My numbness began here. I was numb with shock, numb with drugs, and with numb with fear. Neither of us had ever been in a place of so much unknown. I couldn't sleep and neither could Aaron. We didn't talk. We laid there in the dark listening to the comforting sounds of Eric's strong and healthy heart beat and the disturbing beep every time I hit the button marking another contraction that was always accompanied by a tear.

Morning came. The contractions slowed over night but did not stop completely. My nurse calmed me by telling me that the contractions were not strong enough to dilate me at this point and I would be fine. Aaron went home to get a few things and the rotating visits from specialists began. I had an ultrasound that determined Eric was head down and weighed 860 grams (1 pound 10 oz). I tried to imagine how the 1lb bag of apples I purchased a few days earlier weighed. They showed me the picture of him. I could see him sitting at what looked to me like the threshold of the birth canal. While the perinatologist said he wasn't impressed because we couldn't see the end of the cervix and it could be quite far, I knew; knew he was on the edge and ready to see this world as much as I wanted him to stay right where he was so I could continue to do my work for him until he was big and strong. He was going to come. I could see it and I could feel it and I was scared. In came the neonatoligist who told us all we could expect should he be born before 28 weeks, 30 weeks, and 32 weeks. Her confidence in the NICU was comforting. They were skillful, compassionate, and could handle whatever surprises Eric was going to throw our way.

My only option was hope. Nothing else but hope. All I could do was breathe and cry. Whenever anyone walked in the door of our hospital room my eyes filled with tears. I could control nothing now but my breath and that was all I intended to focus on.

We stayed pregnant for 48 hours and had a mini celebration with a smile and photo at 10:30pm, that we had given Eric time for the steroids to advance his lung development. Next goal, 28 weeks. The following morning the nurse wrote my goal on the white board in front of my bed and I focused on it and continued to breath. As much as I was willing to convince myself that we would make it to 28 weeks it sure didn't feel like it. Contractions never stopped. Finally Dr. Callan, my ob, said as much as she didn't want to go in there and "muck" things up she needed to do and exam to see where things were at. She did her exam and with an urgency in her voice she said "we have 8 cm and a bulging bag. This baby is coming now." My teeth have never chattered ever in my life and they were chattering so much I could not stop them. I was shaking all over. They moved me back to the delivery bed they head switched me over from (the nurse certain I wouldn't need the delivery bed for a while). Dr. Callan told me she would wait to break my water until my husband got there. I called Aaron and with a shaky voice said, "come back the baby is coming." He had gone home to take care of a few things. When he walked into the room he was white faced. I have never seen a person that color. He was scared.

It took Eric fours to travel through the birth canal. He had a relaxing journey and was never in distress. If I couldn't continue to do the work for him at least I could give him that. They asked if I wanted the epidural and I said why? does it get worse than this? and he is only a little less than 2 lbs. I denied the epidural and later said I needed it but it was only three more pushes before he showed us is tiny face.

Eric was crying and I felt a strange sense of calm and relief. I believe I was merely stunned. Aaron had mind enough to snap pictures like crazy when I wasn't squeezing the blood out of his hand. A team of nurses swarmed Eric and got him ready to move to the Newborn Intensive Care Unit where he would spend the next 96 days. They showed me the swaddled bundle that came from me and rolled him out in and isolet. I still can not call it an incubator to this day because it sounds so sickly to me.

Most women say they experience delivery amnesia. I didn't. I remember every detail. I remember my Dad calling me during labor and the nurse taking my teddy bear out from under my head and saying it is time for business. Most of all I remember thinking quietly to myself as the team of nurses swept Eric away to the NICU that next time I will go full term. I get another chance at this.

It has taken me three years to be able to write this, and in that three years Eric has grown to be a wonderfully perfect three year old boy; and Aaron and I have fully recovered from the trauma of this story.

article in the New York Times

For Parents on NICU, Trauma May Last - NYTimes.com

No kidding!

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/25/health/25trau.html

Running & train tracks

Momma and running have a long-standing relationship. Running is something that I have always prefered to do alone, no music, no gadgets, and especially no gear. The beauty of running is that you can just go and go with nothing but your shoes and your will. When I was pregnant with Eric I stopped running and wasn't able to bring myself to pick it up again until we "re-calibrated" time and energy. I had worried that I could never "get it back" and be as fit as I was prior but I soon found that because of Eric I was a better runner and had a greater appreciation for its simplicity. The break was good for me. I started with a clean slate and had an entirley new appreciation for pounding feet on trails and pavement. It was pure indulgence to escape from the house long enough to run up the hill into the Presidio and look on the Bay and the Golden Gate Bridge. Time kept me from running too much or too far (something I always tended towards). I would run home feeling satisfied and refreshed and still have the energy to play and take care of Eric because I didn't overdue it.

Now Eric is older and I am in the best running shape I have ever been in, which means I can run farther in less time, but Eric still keeps me in check. On the days his 25 pound body leads in the jogging stroller he will shout, "run Momma run, faster Momma faster" all the while knowing we are running to the beach where we will make train tracks in the sand and play like little engines. Running is so much more fun thanks to Eric.



Eric & Momma at the beach



A view of the Palace of Fine arts. One of the many postcard perfect views I am lucky enough to have on one of my favorite solo routes.

First family backpacking trip

Last weekend we dusted off the backpacking and camping supplies and jumped into the great experiment of taking a two year old camping. Eric's pack was filled with wipes and ten diapers for him to carry while Dadda lugged nearly 50 pounds of mosts everything else over the 2.8 mile long Saratoga Gap trail toe Castle Rock campground.

Castle Rock State Park is brilliant with tons of trails and beautiful views of the Santa Cruz Mountains. The park has scents familiar only to the south bay and tree covered canopies for lots of shade.

This trip was a success. Dadda got a great work out carrying 25 pound Eric and a 40 pound pack. We all got time to re-connect to nature. We ate well. It didn't rain on us despite the brief teaser showers. Who expects rain in a near draught year? No one, which is why no one had any rain gear. And, we learned a few things for next time:

1) 2.8 miles is 1.8 miles too long

2) Don't set out on the trail at the start of nap time (why wasn't this obvious in planning?)
3) We need a larger tent
4) Momma absolutely is too old to not pack her pillow - the extra weight is so worth it
5) Natural bug spray doesn't work unless you shower yourself in the stuff every 15 minutes

6) No matter how tired we all are, Eric is not going to sleep until the sun goes down
7) No matter how tired we all are, Eric is going to wake-up with the sun rises

8) Eric needs his own sleeping bag or blanket
9) When Dadda is cooking on the camping stove he is to be referred to as the cooking guy

10) Zippers on tent doors are tough and can withstand multiple openings and closings

Our Papapapapa

Ralph J. Dello Iacono, of Stoneham, formerly of Winchester and Alton Bay, NH died Sunday at the Winchester Hospital. He was 95.

Ralph was born and raised in the North End, the son of the late Ulisso and the late Rosa (Benincasa) Dello Iacono. For nearly 50 years Ralph and his family operated the famed Dello’s Lodge at Alton Bay, New Hampshire. His Lodge, restaurant and lounge was a welcoming place for generations of travelers and vacationers in the lakes region. A member of the North End lodge of the Sons of Italy, Ralph also wrote a regular column in the Post Gazette. He was the beloved husband of Mary (Pescione) with whom he shared 64 years of marriage. He was a loving father to Ralph J. Dello Iacono and his wife Jeanne of Great Falls, MT and Janice Marino of Stoneham. He was a cherished grandfather to Jenine Wright and her husband Brian of Melrose, Tara Thies and her husband Aaron, Sean Dello Iacono and his wife Courtney all of CA. He was a dear great-grandfather to Madison, Dylann, Eric and is also survived by many nieces and nephews.
Relatives and friends are respectfully invited to visit with the family at the Dello Russo Funeral Home, 306 Main St., Medford, Wednesday morning from 8:30 – 9:30 followed by a funeral mass celebrated in St. Joseph Church, 118 High Street, Medford, at 10 AM. Services will conclude with burial at Holy Cross Cemetery, Malden. In lieu of flowers contributions may be sent in Ralph's name to the Home for Children, 1125 Centre St., Jamaica Plain, MA 02130.

Dear Papa,

I will forever cherish our times together with my memories starting as early as 3 years old to Dello Inn on Alton Bay, to your visits to Great Falls which meant we would be lucky enough to have dessert every night and a new toy each day. The times I spent next to you learning the love and art of a good baseball game are forever in my heart. You once told that you , of all people, were a Yankees fan for a short stint until the team let you down and the greats (Babe, DiMaggio's) were gone. Eleven years you said you stuck it out as a Yankee fan. You found heart with the Red Sox's and brought us all with you.

You were a man of style, an entrepreneur, and a good dancer. You told me stories of your lounge and dance hall in Alton Bay and some of the great Jazz musicians who made their way through your establishment as you referred to it.

It was pure magic for me that you were able to meet your great grandson Eric and that we all celebrated Dad & Janice's birthdays together. Your family is your great legacy. You are part of all of us and now see this world through us. We will go on in your name living our lives safely, with honor, gratitude, and simply, to the fullest.

It is a great tribute to your life that you decided to leave us on Father's Day. It is day to honor always.

We love you dearly. Red Sox's & Papa forever!

Alameda event

The first Sunday of every month Alameda is host to an Antique Fair that is known better to some as a flea market. It is outside on the old naval base runways and it is huge. If you are nostalgic for something in your past you should come here and you will find it. I heard someone say that "this is the world's best garage sale".

I have definitely had some cool finds here some worthy of purchase others worthy of a WOW. This fair is huuuuge too. You will never make it through the whole thing. It is really like rummaging through my Grandma's basement and looking at all her cool old stuff. I also get ideas of ways to display or re-purpose this cool, old, stuff.

Eric and Aaron love the fair as much as I do. Eric found two cool items that we didn't walk away with due to price and space but he always has fun while we are there.

Playgrounds, dinners, museums

Playground time in Manhattan after a break in the rain showers. We had a great time on the teeter-totter and Eric discovered he could balance all on his own.


A sunny afternoon at Dolores Park in San Francisco.

After lunch in Dolores Park Eric helped Dadda gear up for a moutain bike ride.

Dinner date and play time at Kai & Dukes house. Thanks for a great dinner out Betty B!

Kai was teaching Aaron how to take photos with my Blackberry. Aaron still has no idea how to do it and I am wondering why I have 5 pictures of this 5 year old on my phone.

An exhibit at the De Young Museum, a fab Friday night family night complete with a visit to the tour, Yves St Laurent, Bouquet of Arts, and music all crammed into the attention span of a two year old.....fast.

Our first long conversation

Eric and I actually had a quite long -3 maybe 4 minute - conversation about where and when he can get a new computer that works. We were looking at our calendar on my laptop and he says, "need to get Eric's computer". He is referring to the my laptop that took the high dive off podium last summer and now wonders the house frustrating Eric because it doesn't have power.

I reminded Eric that it is broken and out of batteries and he proceeds to tell me it needs new batteries. I tell him that the battery is broken too. He tells me he needs a "new computer." I tell him that maybe Santa will bring him one if he is a good boy and eats his dinner at the table with Momma & Dada. He then says we need our shoes and coats and runs to the door. "Where are we going," I ask. "Santa", he says. Oh of course.

New York May 2009 (53 photos), by Tara DelloIacono

I'd like to share my Snapfish photos with you. Once you have checked out my photos you can order prints and upload your own photos to share.
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Look at that swing

The day we got this Eric play with it for one hour straight, the longest I have ever seen anything hold his attention. Then after dinner he wanted to play more. He kept telling Momma to be the catcher. Little does he know that I am afraid of the ball. As his skills are rapidly advancing, it won't take him long to realize that Momma sucks at baseball and basketball.

More Montana visitors: Grandma Lorraine & Grandpa Jerry

We are coming off a recent visit from Grandma Lorraine and Grandpa Jerry where Eric was fully entertained with a present every day and showing them around town. We gave them a taste of Alameda with a trip to our favorite beach, a Friday morning at Crosstown Community Cafe with Cowboy Jared, shopping on Park street, and a visit to the USS Hornet.

On special request we had lunch a Chipolte, rice and beans are Eric's favorite, and Jerry was anxious to try the burrito that his son-in-law, Dan Fritz, raved about. Dan, if you are listening, he almost couldn't eat the whole thing.

Grandma and Grandpa are deprived a local Trader Joes so it was a treat for Eric and Momma to take them the mere 2 miles from house to TJ's. Grandma found some yummy cookies and said to Eric, " Can we buy them?" Eric's response was, "Can we buy it? Yes we can!" This means he is watching too much Bob the Builder I think.

We also took the ferry over to Pier 39 and pretended to be tourists one day without proper clothing (pants, scarves, and fleece) and Eric got to try his first mini donut. He took one, maybe two, bites and proclaimed, "Umm, good bagel!"

We strolled down the Embarcadero in search of the sun and found it just in time for lunch at the Ferry Building.
This was Grandma and Grandpa's first visit to our new house. A little tidbit is that kaddie-corner to our house is the corner where we sat in January 2006, Eric's first social trip out of the flat, while exploring the possibilities of Alameda. Grandma Lorraine was with us and actually even went into the open house on the corner (600 sq ft for 560k). Two year later when Aaron and I starting looking in Alameda again we kept trying to find this neighborhood to no avail until one day there was this open house and here we are. Some how this street called us back.

We took a trip with Grandma Lorraine and Grandpa Jerry to the plant nursery where the loaded us up with a couple trees for the bare spots in the back and some color for the front. Despite the unsusal 90 degree heat that day Jerry was as eager as Eric to dig a whole and get those trees in! Once Eric found that Jerry and Aaron's were getting muddy he backed off screaming "dirty hands". For the most part we really like clean .

Our trees and plants and new shovel are awesome! Thank you. Next time your in town we can paint:)

My goodness

We have been just a whirlwind of activity around here this spring. Trust me, we have the pictures and stories to prove it. We have had the pleasure of house guests and travel ourselves along with the displeasure of some late spring stomach bugs. We have celebrated birthdays, Easter, and attended one Sox's game.

And guess what? Momma just figured out how to post from her "mobile device". Maybe this means more posts. I wish writing this blog paid the mortgage but alas, it doesn't. If you are interested in reading some blogs that help us out in that area feel free to read up on musings of nutrition at Healthy Child Healthy World
or at CLIF or LUNA


Here is a teaser to the adventures of Eric this spring:

A visit from dear Auntie Susan with a lovely stroll to the beach:



Easter Sunday with the cousins

Papa Ralph and Nana Jeanne pop in for the week and to celebrate Papa Ralph's B-day

Playing in the backyard

Visiting friends and sites of New York city

Eric's friend Spencer

I have been meaning to post this one for a while.

Spencer is working on his ab strength.

Meanwhile, Eric pulls up on Spencer's 4-wheeler (right side of screen) to witness this feat of super Spence strength