Noah is 2 years old. Since he was born I have been trying to sit down and right about what it was like to be pregnant with Noah. Until now, I have been unable to do it. Maybe it has more to do with having two children with needs greater than my need to write my story. Or, maybe, it just takes that long to reflect on it enough to paint a picture with words. I know it took me that same amount of time to write about Eric’s days prior to his birthday. My sense is that it is the latter, especially since I have found no more time for writing today than I did 2 years ago.
Pregnancy is an uncomfortable life altering gift. I didn’t love being pregnant, but I did appreciate it for its wonder. I spent my second pregnancy cherishing the blessing of a second chance, a second chance to embrace ten months of an unfamiliar body, the necessary means of bringing sweet Noah into our family.
February 2010
Pregnancy was hard, it was uncomfortable, and cganged the way Aaron, Eric and I functioned. But it was wonderful in so many unexpected ways that today, two years later, when I see a pregnant woman, I smile.
My second pregnancy while full term, was hardly uneventful. What it wasn’t was traumatic and there lies the difference. Instead of wishing away ten months of uncomfortable-ness I choose to embrace it as my chance to assist God in a miracle. This meant embracing the first trimester of unknowing. Every woman experiences the period of pregnancy with the same uneasiness about whether this baby will really result in more than just an embryo. You hope, you wish, you dream, and you are scared. Within the first three months of pregnancy we carry on knowing that nature may intervene when something isn't quite right. I am forever grateful for not having to struggle during this time of pregnancy, the getting pregnant and staying pregnant part that so many of my family and friends, including my mother, persevered through.
The eventfulness of my pregnancy with Noah began first with the understanding that at 13 weeks Dr. Katz (the best in the world right in my “backyard”) would be sewing our little Noah inside me to keep him from “slipping” out too soon before our desired delivery. Between 12 and 13 weeks after we knew the pregnancy “took” it was time for the much anticipated cerclage to be welcomed to the party in my cervix. If it makes you uncomfortable to read the word cervix then you better stop here. A cerclage is a fancy word for a purse string stitch the cinches up those of us with “incompetent” cervix. NOTHING about me is incompetent, that I am confident of, EXCEPT my cervix.
I will leave most of the surgical placement of the cerclage to your imagination. If however you know the yoga pose of happy baby you can get a pretty good visual. Picture happy baby pose on a surgical table in a surgery room under bright lights with a curtain across your waist, a nurse holds your hand, and anesthesiologist at your side, the most talented cerclage surgeon in the world and his medical student with a needle and thread in their hand. Enough said.
I addition to the poor performance history of my cervix I also was told by Dr. Katz that it seemed I have and over-active uterus. This may not only explain WHY Eric arrived so early, but it could also explain a lot about Eric’s personality. An overactive uterus me be a source of multiple, consecutive sensations of pleasure BUT they are not great when you don’t want to have contractions. So to curb the enthusiasm of this womb for the time being, I endured twenty weeks straight of progesterone injections administered by nursing-assistant Aaron (my husband). These shots were given alternating left and right butt cheeks every Sunday. Eric found the whole event fascinating and it always lead to a series of questions and answers. Since the shots lovingly irritated my skin for an entire week Aaron endured me constantly, not very seductively, scratching my bum.
Speaking of seduction, there was to be none until after Noah was born (LONG AFTER). Doc Katz said the uterus would certainly contract and so long as it stopped contracting everything was fine. He said, “If it doesn’t stop contracting call me.”
Aaron and took one look at each other, remembered 96 days of NICU and all the worry that followed, and said, “No way. We are not going there!
There were some minor aches and pains; and as I became larger and larger and less and less mobile I learned to set strong boundaries around my time and physical capabilities. I learned how to ask for help and feel good about it. I learned to accept the help of others with more graciousness, and I learned that the need for rest and water should never be ignored. These lessons I have carried with me even now that Noah is two years old.
We had a few scares along the way that turned out to be nothing more than my body adjusting to the cerclage and my pelvis adjusting to the Noah growing inside me with very long feet. Over the holidays we had an emergency visit to check for a blood clot first in my legs and then in my lungs that turned out to be nothing more than a little pregnancy induced asthma. These were events of the very normal kind that happen throughout many normal pregnancies. Noah was a very normal pregnancy. I have also learned that no pregnancy is without event. It is all an event, and it is something I always want to remember. Many women I meet say they don’t remember being pregnant. I know I will remember always. Maybe it has to do with the gifts that come along with being mother to a very early preemie (of which there are many).
I remember very clearly the births of each of my children. I remember the sequences of events, the emotions, and the physical sensations. This leads me to part 2 of the “Noah is Turning 2 Years Old “ blog.
Momma pushed this light load (70 pounds of adorable, 1 scooter folded, a bad of snacks, a bundle of reading material) through Golden Gate Park starting at Arguello, down hill to Ocean beach and back up again for a total of 6 miles. We took a few pit stops and our fit friend Amy tried her hand at pushing. We ended this workout with time at the playground and a veggie egg scramble at Velo Rouge. Great time had by all.
Momma did some debating over the value of sending the traditional lick'em, post'em, and drop them in the mail box cards this year. In the end we decided to send them, after the holidays because that is just how it works in the house of two full-time working parents of two, adorably, high energy, enthusiastic boys on overdrive.
My late Grandma Bernell was so wonderful at "keeping the cobb-webs" out of my mailbox as she would say. We are so thankful for all the greetings that have delighted in keeping the cobb-webs out of our mail box this season. We are overwhelmingly grateful to have such wonderful family and friends. A card, and this note, is a small way of showing our gratitude and helping to keep the cobb-webs out of your mailbox and spice up you inter-webs.
We are lucky to have rang in 2012 with gusto in Tahoe with horn blowing and streamer throwing (at 8:00pm but it was midnight somewhere) with cousins, in-laws, and moms and dads.
Before 2011 is too far gone I want to review some of the big highlights: Eric goes snow skiing and sledding for the first time; Noah begins walking on his first birthday; Eric learns to ride a bike; Noah begins using words; Dadda turns forty years young; Eric graduates to scrimmage play in soccer; Momma runs Hood to Coast, a half-marathon, and completes 2 marathons both under 4 hours; Eric turns 5; Dadda begins a new job and closes up his in-home shop of ten years; we successfully fit our family of four in our queen-size bed on at least half of the nights of the year - because who doesn't love to snuggle or "nuggle" as Noah says.
In addition to all those BIG moments we have more small moments than I can count that collectively made 2011 another very special year.
(Insert highlights slideshow here when Momma figures out how)
Feel free to add your moments in the comment section!
January
Eric goes skiing with Momma and Dadda for the first time
Noah holds his own cup
February
Noah begins walking on his first birthday
March
Tara is a honored to be a bridesmaid for her dear friend since kindergarten, Meghan Rydell
Tara's dear friend Susanne meets the boys
April
Aaron turns 40 years young
Family visits Monteray for Sea Otter fun
Noah says his first words of "No, hi, and buh (ball)
May
Eric graduates from sneaker hockey to roller hockey
Momma runs a Mother's Day fun run
Mother's Day fun with Oma and the cousins
June
Noah starts to grow some hair
Father's day cookout
Roaring Camp railroad with Montoyas
July
Eric learns to ride his bike
4th of July at Oma & Opa's
August
Noah's first trip to Montana
Fishing trips
Picnic at Aspen Grove
Montana State Fair
We meet Caleigh and Graham of the Varrassee clan
Momma runs Hood to Coast with Team CLIF
September
Eric turns 5
We celebrate Aunt Kathy turning 60
Momma spends time with old-friend Maureen
Williamson's meet-up at Crissy Field
October
Momma runs Nike Women's Marathon in 3:59:32
Aaron "crews" Momma's marathon with cheer squad (Dempseys, Eric,Noah)
Eric and Noah are baptized
Pumpkin patch with Ryan, Spencer, & baby Caleb
Halloween at CLIF Bar and Alameda - Eric in Batman costume made by Grandma and Noah as a Scarecrow inspired by Stephanie Bolstad & Elliott
November
Aaron starts his new job at www.horoscope.com
Tara and her brother Sean run the Chico half-marathon together
We visit Santa
Eric and Noah build tours
Noah says his first sentence "I want a bear"
Dempsey party
December
Tara runs her marathon PR at Cal Internation Marathon 3:51
Holidays with family, friends, and a trip to Tahoe
December tenth doesn't mean much to Eric. He doesn't get presents and it isn't his birthday. To Momma however, December tenth never goes by without specially noting its significance in our lives. Mark this day on your calendars as the day we brought Eric home from his first 96 days of life spent in the hospital.
For most bringing your newborn baby home is expected and normal. For first time parents who are also parents to preemies, bringing your baby home is a bit more terrifying. Any parent who enters the NICU for any amount of time is greeted to parenthood with fear rather than joy . This first time parent is introduced to medical terms, treatments, immunizations, and ongoing developmental monitoring. This first time parent is told to stay far away from crowds and anyone with a runny nose or cough of any kind. This first time parent is told that to give there child the best health outcomes they need to everything in their power to prevent their preemie from getting a cold for at least TWO YEARS and that toddlers carry the plague.
The pressures and challenges this first time parent comes home with are much different the first time parents of newborns. I didn't realize how different until I had Noah at full term under the most normal circumstances.
At the time Eric came home I was still convinced that babies must BELONG in the hospital for a LONG time because how can anyone ever be allowed to bring someonw so fragile and little into a house full of obstacles and un-sterile-ness. When he came home his Dadda and Momma and gotten zero sleep the night before. You see, we spent that night in the hospital with Eric. We attended to him and watched him all night to make sure he was breathing, eating, swallowing, and pooping. There was no twenty-four hour medical surveylance and no monitors. There was only Aaron, me, and Eric.
Babies need someone watching them at ALL TIMES right? I mean, in the hospital he had a nurse assigned to meet his needs at all times and those nurses never slept. It took only four days and a visit from the home-visit nurse to understand that indeed, yes, you must find a way to let yourself sleep and SLEEP WHILE HE IS SLEEPING. Seriously? Who will watch him sleep if we are both sleeping?
Five years later I look at the parent I have become and the person I have always been and compare it to that time in my life. There is nothing like it. It is almost like an out of body experience. Some days I amazed at how I found myself again and how we found our marriage and how we have moved so far beyond there that some days it feels like it happened in another existence
Here we are five years later enjoying life in our little house with our TWO little boys and doing all the normal things families do. Remembering those difficult and scary times when we left the house only to go to the doctor's office or for a breath of fresh air helps put today into perspective and find the joy in the everyday actions involved in the balancing act of family, full-time jobs, owning a home, and just taking it all in.
On Thanksgiving Eric and Noah got to spend the weekend chasing around with their cousins. Sam is six, Maylen 4, and Addison 2. Eric and Noah complete the roll call at 5 and 1 respectively. This group has more fun when they are together especially when the are bonding at Oma and Opa's house which is able to corral the energy most of the time with plenty of entertainment and tasty snacks.
The day after Thanksgiving we have made it a new tradtion to visit the Empire Mine in Grass Valley where not only does Santa and Mrs. Claus arrive but there is also plenty of room to run and explore the grounds of this beautiful state park.
We had a major photo sessions and I was able to play with the fun camera app on my phone capture these sweet moments. I know you will expect to see photos of Santa here but to manage expectation I will tell you know that is for another post.
At 21 months and 26 pounds my baby still wants to be carried in the comfortable arms of his Momma or Dadda. He also enjoys lounging on the couch or Eric's bed pouring over a good book, studying intently every page. Noah is a snuggler cuddler who prefers slower paced mornings of sipping his milk and hanging out in his jammies as long as Momma will allow.
For about a month now Noah has been able to say Eric's name - Eggick
Last night we heard Noah also say his first complete sentence " I want a bear". I was awe struck. He clearly spoke English and expressed his need without question. Impressive for 21 months. By the way, his request was for a bear is his gummie vitamin bear.
Noah loves his brother. Watching them laugh with each other and play and now even talk with each other is one of my greatest joys. Of course with that "admiration" for one another comes the desire to play with whatever it is the other is playing with. Eric will be quietly playing with a train for example and in walks Noah with a truck, which triggers Eric to drop the train and plead for the truck. The pleading turns to screaming and Noah just revels in that outcome jeering him and running from him.
Noah has also begun to anticipate that Eric will want something and he will begin screaming for it before it is even in sight. For example, the one drawing board we have has been a hot item in our house. Noah brought it with him in the car and was told to leave it in the car. When returning to the car Noah started screaming for it when he realized Eric was getting in first and would consequently get the drawing board first. Guess what someone is getting from Santa, another drawing board.
I figured I would open the Thanksgiving post with a Halloween photo since I have not yet made mention of Halloween, of which there is plenty of content.
Eric was once again the best Batman around in his specially made costume made by Grandma in record time.
Noah made an equally as cute scarecrow as his brother did two years ago. The scarecrow costume was originally worn by Elliott, the son of Momma's dear friend Stephanie. The hat Noah is wearing is of the original Elliott costume, but the overalls and plaid shirt are new for Noah.
Both Noah and Eric loved there costumes. Eric was a bit hesitant about his bat hood but once he saw other batmen around town he was all over it. Noah was pleased party punch to wear his hat and would request "halp" putting it on when it fell off.
Our neighborhood is known for prime trick or treating and Eric is always happier to give than receive. We passed out around 350 CLIF KID Z Bars and CLIF KID Z Fruit, which is about 250 less than last year but it was a Monday night after all.
Here are some great pictures from the activities in the month long celebration we seemed to have of Eric turning FIVE (yeah it took me two months to get the pictures uploaded so there. We are too busy having fun)!
Highlights included:
Double chocolate Timmy Lincecum birthday cake made by Mom
Cowboy Jared Birthday Party at school
Celebrating at Ryan's birthday of Ryan turning FIVE - with Ryan & Spencer!
Lego City Fire Station
Birthday weekend of Lake Wildwood fun at Oma & Opa's
Birthday A's baseball game with Mom (played hookey after collecting cans for the food bank)
Pumpkin carving is hard work. Just ask Eric. He decided it was a job for his new crane he bought with his birthday gift card from Papa Ralph and Nana Jeanne.
Eric and Daddy are off on a two day camping trip to enjoy this beautiful Indian summer weekend. I asked Noah " where's Daddy?" He says " Ootball waatch. Daddy". He isn't right in ths.case but any other Sunday he would be right on.
